Spiritual Friendship
We need one another. This reality encompasses the deep human need to be loved and to return that affection in a dance of significance. It begins from our earliest days. Relational dysfunction from our youngest years can scar us for life. Conversely, expressions of love through acts of human compassion awaken the soul to the possibilities that there is something outside of ourselves that can enliven our existence.
The Celtic understanding of friendship arises out of the notion of anam cara; anam the Gaelic word for soul and cara the word for friend - soul friend. This was a person to whom you “could” reveal the hidden contours of your life. It is a journey that takes time, but the benefits and pleasures of friendship when released to do its work are legion.
We all hunger for love. It is the story we all carry. No matter what we accomplish, how much we possess, or how much power we wield, we all long deeply to be heard and to love. All of us hunger to receive love but few are taught the grace of expressing it to others. As we reach out our native fears change into courage in the give and take, our perceived emptiness finds a companion in another’s tentativeness, and distance between us dwindles into fresh possibilities. We take a chance on others so that our souls can feed one another with fresh expressions of the grace of God.
As Paul writes to the Corinthians:
“Love is always patient and kind; love is never boastful or conceited, it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and it is not resentful... love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”
We have a need for an “anam cara”. These relationships begin with the intention to listen and develop trust. Of course the chemistry of the relationship is a factor, but over time as we are understood, we feel at home. We are free to express ourselves and recognize the sacredness of the other person as a gift of God to us. This is God’s gift expressed by Jesus in his own words - “I call you friends” - surely the most sublime representation of God’s affection towards us. Can we not be that for another.
As an aside, the word “hello” does not exist in the Gaelic tongue. You encounter someone with blessing. You say, Dia dhuit, God be with you. They respond, Dia dhuit, God be with you. When you are leaving, you say, go gcoinne Dia thu, may God keep you. We do not come accidentally, we come bearing God’s image.
May our triads and small groups in the Urban Monastery reflect this recognition of what God is up to between us.